Nothing (new) to see here.
Thoughts from the place where everything is possible and nothing is happening yet.
Hi from the same spot on my parents’ couch where I’ve been propping my leg up, alternating ice packs and hot presses, ankle exercises, indulgent pity parties and serenity prayers.
Yesterday I had a coaching call, and 15 minutes in, Lance asked me, as coaches do, what I wanted to accomplish during our time together. Accomplish? Like we could get somewhere in the next 45 minutes?
I know this question is supposed to guide the call, keep us focused (by us I mean me, the rambling one), but it felt so impossible and overwhelming to answer. “Success” for the call would be inviting him into the swirling possibilities, the maybes and unknowns, the things that keep presenting themselves right now, all the could-happens-but-hasn’t-happened-yet, the is-this-the-right-next-steps.
Writing a newsletter (or rather, consistently avoiding on writing this newsletter) has been an extension of this overwhelm lately; it feels like there are no updates to share. Call it a season of growing pains. Call it a season of hunkering in and getting the important (important but boring!!!!) work done. Call it a season of nothing much to report other than chipping away at a giant chunk of proverbial marble (or is it clay?).
‘The process’ is an annoying place from which to report. Still at it. Still here. Still unsure where it’s headed. Still afraid to say what any of it might be because none of it might happen. Still wondering if I’m doing any of this right. Still have glimmers of hope. Still bewildered that anything is happening at all. Still know that my 20 year-old self would be really jazzed, and that sentiment helps.
When I first got to Vancouver in March, I went to Scott Erickson’s show ‘Say Yes,’ and there’s a section where he talks about that phenomenon when we look back on our lives and we can see the thread between the big turning point events - ‘oh yeah, I went to that camp as a kid where I met this friend who introduced me to that person who inspired me to to this and because of that, this other thing happened…’ we can see that there are dominos falling all over the place when we look back, and yet have so little faith that anything will happen ever again that will move us forward, lead us out of here, develop the ‘plot’ of it all. We lose all confidence that this work is leading somewhere or that at any moment we might meet a new person who becomes a dear friend or important mentor, we might stumble on an artist we never heard of that wildly inspires our art, we might read a quote that significantly shifts the way we think, we might be walk into a restaurant and meet someone who changes our world forever. Who’s to say what’s next. Who’s to say where it’s all headed. Who’s to say what threads are not already at play that you just can’t grasp yet.
So hi, from the middle of the swirl. How it feels now isn’t how it feels later. Something will someday make a bit more sense.
Upcoming Events
The Poetry Of Everything Writing Workshop
May 1-31st, 2024
Looking to develop your writing practice, spend some time in reflection and community, and get some feedback on your work? I’m hosting a thirty-one day workshop called The Poetry Of Everything, which starts May 1st!
There’s the option to sign up for only the daily prompts, or sign up for the four Sunday workshops - and this is free for founding members here at Gentle Company! Questions? Send me a note at jessjanz@gmail.com. Register here!
Food Retreat with Chef Jill: Feast In The East!
October 2-8, 2024
If you've been here a while (or if you're new), something tells me you're into building genuine connections though meaningful conversation and shared interests, so I thought you may be into hearing more about Dinner with Strangers resident chef Jill, who is building community through food and is taking her mission on tour! 'Feast in the East' is a four or seven day trip through PEI and Nova Scotia that takes in breathtaking coastlines, seafood feasts, maritime charm, and stunning wineries. You can check out the full itinerary and pricing here. Payment plans available! Secure your spot with a deposit before May 1st and save $300! If you have any questions about the trip, email jillian@faretheewell.ca or send Jill an Instagram DM.
Thanks for your words, Jess. Also saying hi from the middle of the swirl 🙏🏻💛✨
It's been a muddy kind of spring here too. Literally, because the snow is melting and making a mess of everything, including the entryway to my house. And metaphorically as I sort through what has come to be and what might be next and at the same time trying to stay present with all the goodness that surrounds me. Your last paragraph, "hi from the middle of the swirl" made me think you might like the poem I just posted on Sunday. Linking it below if you'd like to read it. This is Sarah, by the way, one of the two women with chicks peeping in the background at writing events with you last week:)
https://open.substack.com/pub/gatheringquiet/p/falling?r=1vvgau&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true