Maybe you actually do know what to do with your life.

On knowing more than we think we know, you know?

The other day I was catching up with my work friend R, talking about very normal, average, run-of-the-mill things that most people talk about on any given day, aka talking about being artists in this world and how we pay rent and being tired and being hopeful and the dreams we’ve gone after and the dreams we’ve laid to rest and what we’ve put on the back burner and what we think is next (as I’ve said before, this is actually what I will ask you about if we meet, which people either respond with woah, instense much?!?! or they jump right into the deep end with me, which is how I quickly find my people. And has, historically, also accidentally gotten me into love-bomby situations when meeting people from dating apps, which is a topic for another time. Alas, I stand by this approach. It’s probably what brought you here to this page. So like, hi.)

So anyway, R. and I are talking about his work - R. is an incredible dancer. By all definitions, he is a very successful dancer. He’s been a choreographer for fancy people and for fancy music videos. He’s travelled with musicians and shows and performances. He’s taught and still teaches dance classes and choreographs big time, big deal shows. And obviously, the pandemic brought a lot of that to a screeching halt for a while. So now, like so many artists, he’s reassessing what’s next, what to pick back up, what moves to make, what he still loves to do, what he doesn’t want to do anymore. R. said to me, “I just have to figure out what I’m doing with the rest of my life, you know?”

Oh, boy do I know. I’ve been saying, “It’s just that I need to figure out what I’m going to do with my life,” with extreme seriousness, urgency, and anxiety, since I was, oh, fourteen. This whole year specifically, the thing that rattles me awake early in the morning and keeps me up at night and runs through my brain when I’m busy trying to have a nice time is okay Jess we need to figure out what we’re DOING here. Yes, I am the queen of I just have to figure out what I’m doing with my life.

I recognized R’s angst, because it mirrors my own, but I was staring at this brilliant, talented, successful person, who I’m sure, when he’s on stage or in the studio or any time he literally lifts his graceful hand, feels movement in his soul. Feels at home when he is finding a way to express through dancing. He has known what he wants to do with his life. He’s done so much of the thing he knows how to do. The thing he loves to do.

We are figuring out what to do with our lives all the time, which has, yes, something to do with jobs and vocation and occupation and calling and perhaps, like, contributing something of significance, you could say. But we also figure out what to do with our lives when we figure out how to nourish ourselves. We figure out our lives every time we ask, “what do I need from this day?” and honor the answer that responds to that question. We figure out our lives by figuring out every single administrative adulting life task, like buying more toilet paper before it runs out and feeding the cat and paying our phone bill and making a reservation (perhaps, if you’re not me, on the right day at the right time, bonus points to you!)

We are figuring out our lives when we keep a job we don’t like in the meantime while also figuring out next steps towards a job we might like more. We are figuring out our lives every time we realize something we don’t like - be it a food or a schedule we’ve been keeping or a workload that’s too much or not feeling challenged enough by a job or in a relationship.

We figure out our lives every time something swells in our hearts - a restaurant that has the best thing we’ve ever tasted or a new hobby that makes us feel exhilarated or moved or safe or calm or someone who looks at you like you are holding up the moon in the sky and makes you want to hitch your life to theirs and promise all of the optimistic things.

We figure out all these things, so many of them, all the time. We say yes to what resounds. We say no to what feels dreadful. We find gratitude. We insist on more for ourselves, our loved ones, our neighbors. We cobble together meaning and fulfillment and joy and love while being a part of this wild, strange dumpster fire of reality that has so much beauty and pain and monotony.

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Events this month:

This month we’re talking all about the dreams we carry - perhaps like wanting to claim the word “writer” for ourselves, hmm? Here’s what we have going on in July:

Instagram live with Dr. Alex DiGiacomo - Saturday, July 8th at 11:30am EST

Tomorrow morning I’m chatting with my sweet friend Alex about her VERY cool and ambitious bike ride across Canada to raise awareness and funds for youth mental health services. Alex and I met at my Dinner With Strangers in March, where she shared this ‘wild and crazy idea’ with all of us, who promptly freaked out and told her it was the most badass, brilliant vision of all time, and it’s been amazing to see it all come to life!

Poetry Club - Tuesday, July 11th at 7pm - 8:30pm EST

Poetry Club is the internet’s chillest-yet-tender club in all the land. Bring a poem you’ve written or a poem you love based on the month’s theme. This month: Audacious Dreams.

No need to register for paid Substack subscribers; a Zoom link will automatically be sent to you.

In Good Company - Sunday, July 23rd at 10:30am - 12pm EST

Our next gathering of In Good Company (a monthly writing workshop) is going to be Sunday, July 23rd. We’ll be writing about the question: am I allowed to want this? 

No need to register - a Zoom link will be sent out to paid Substack subscribers 24 hrs before.

The Collective Conversation - Tuesday, July 25th at 7pm - 9pm EST

This month for The Collective Conversation, we’re discussing the dreams you are carrying.

Register here for this event!