Lessons from dinner: this could happen anywhere.
An essay on everything I don't know about marketing tactics - this has nothing to do with scarcity.
This past Wednesday was the latest gathering of Dinner With Strangers, and I am still overflowing with the warmth from the night. Every group brings with them their own magic; the alchemy of each group belongs solely to them, made possible only by the exact combination of personalities and stories and energy and demeanour and care of every person who shows up, never to be created again. Admittedly, I was feeling a little nervous for Wednesday - so much is happening and this project feels like it’s skyrocketing in a way I couldn’t have predicted, and making sure to deliver a meaningful, welcoming, dare I even say FUN event takes care and a hell of a lot of elbow grease. My bones are tired and my soul is so, so full - and within 5 minutes of greeting everyone and seeing the way the group was interacting with each other, I was put at ease by everyone’s thoughtfulness, kindness, and softness. I was in good hands with the hands that were given to me.
Our dinner conversation focused on the theme ‘Traditions & Rituals,’ and to begin, everyone shared their favourite tradition. Some centered around various holidays, someone shared about their annual walk on October 9th, commemorating a turning point in their life, someone shared how much they loved going to Staples for back to school shopping when they were a kid, and now they make sure to make it a Big Deal when they bring their partner’s kids school supplies shopping at the end of the summer each year. My cheeks quickly hurt from smiling - it’s beautiful to hear a room of people talk about the things they decide to put emphasis on, the things we do to mark important days, or important people in our lives.
Our main discussion was about things that we used to believe but don’t anymore — that life is fair and life is long and that high school grades could impact our entire future and that being an adult would be fun and that what we are able to afford might bring us fulfillment — and I was struck by our ability to change, our ability to unlearn what was taught to us, our ability to change our minds given the evidence around us.
It was such an inspiring and uplifting night, and at the end, someone commented how amazing “this thing I’m doing” is, since it doesn’t happen anywhere. As the person running this thing, that’s probably a good thing to hear… marketing folks would say I’m filling a need, right? Something about supply and demand, something about scarcity. And to an extent, I get what they were saying. I found myself wanting to create a space for the types of connection and conversation that I love to have, that don’t happen everywhere. I wanted to make this weird social experiment come to life and see where it goes. And I’ve seen the wild response to this project as confirmation that we are looking for ways to connect with each other; we are innately wired for connection and don’t always know how to get there; we are looking to feel inspired and learn from each other and find places to share from our hearts. And it’s really incredible that people have seen this project and gone, “YES! THAT! I’m in!”
And also.
Connection is available to us at any time. It’s right there for the taking all over the place: with our neighbours and with the person who goes to the gym at the same time as us and our coworkers even though we currently only talk to them about reality TV and our hairdresser/ barista/ bookshop owner/ uber driver/ fellow commuters on the subway. We can marvel at the unseasonably warm weather. We can compliment their scarf. We can ask them what they’re excited about lately. We can ask them what they love about hair/ coffee/ books/ driving strangers around/ the unreliable timing of the Dundas streetcar. We can ask them what brought them here. We can ask about their day. We can ask them anything that shows that we’re interested and shows presence and shows that we are reaching for them.
We get to, at any time, when we have the capacity, when we’re able to look up, when we’re able to catch the moment, open ourselves up to each other. There are a million invitations every day. And not everyone is going to catch onto our outstretched hands. We all know what it’s like to be busy and distracted and, hell, me of anyone, lost in the abyss of my inner world while also buying olive oil.
The world needs to change, yes. We are disconnected and simulating intimacy with likes and shout outs and tags; we get swept up and distracted by senseless arguments in the comments section and posturing and pretending we have it all together and networking and hacking away and capitalism and broken heartedness and our side and their side and silos of thought and cancel culture and all the other things that make us weary and make us wary of someone approaching us just to chat. We need to find a way out. We need Big Change. We need an apocalypse of priorities and The Way Things Have been. AND. Also. We can start now. We can start here. We can start with messaging someone right now and letting them know we’re thinking of them. Maybe, maybe, we could even ask when they’re free for a coffee. We can be on the lookout for one stranger a week to interact with. We can ask our families one good question at family gatherings that get people talking about how they’re actually doing rather than just shooting the shit over mashed potatoes.
We have so far to go, and we can start anytime. How daunting. How simple. Let’s go together.
Upcoming Events
Dinner With Strangers
November 15th & 28th at Roof Garden (Toronto, Ontario) (sold out)
Both gatherings of Dinner With Strangers are sold out this month (within 14 minutes!), but if you’d like to be added to my Dinner With Strangers-specific email list for updates on tickets/ waitlist if someone can’t attend, send me a message here!
Tickets for December 5th’s dinner will be released tomorrow (Tuesday) at 8am here.
In Good Company: a drop-in writing workshop
Sunday, November 26th, 10:30am-12pm EST on Zoom
Our next gathering of In Good Company (a monthly writing workshop for paid Substack subscribers) is going to be Sunday, November 26th.
No need to register - a Zoom link will be sent out to paid Substack subscribers 24 hrs before.
*NEW* Yin & Poetry with Shawna Turner & Jess Janz
Friday, December 1st, 7pm - 9pm EST at Mosaic Yoga Studio (440 Bloor Street West, Toronto)
Join myself and my sweet friend Shawna Turner for a nourishing night of yin yoga and gentle creative reflection that will centre around placing yourself where you are, as you are. Let us guide you through stillness, deep breath and insightful writing prompts that invite you to melt into your heartspace. Register here!
“ We have so far to go, and we can start anytime. How daunting. How simple. Let’s go together.” yes to this 💛 beautiful as always, Jess.