Everyone is allowed to ease into the new year and go easy on themselves except for me.
My unrelenting double standard in which I have zero grace for myself.
Dear Reader, Dear Friend,
I am writing you this letter to remind you that you should be unrelentingly gentle with yourself. Always. But especially in January. Especially in January if the place you live is freezing and grey and dark. Especially in January if the air where you live hurts your face because it is so cold outside and it’s somehow raining and snowing and ice pelting at the same time and you’re just trying to go to the grocery store. Especially in January if it’s been unseasonably rainy and you haven’t seen the sun in five weeks. Especially now in January here in this life where everything has been A BIT MUCH LATELY to be honest. I am the self-appointed administer of permission to be so kind and so soft with yourself. Please. This is the only thing I am bossy about: softness. Towards yourself. But no no, not towards me. That’s a different thing.
*I* on the other hand am barely keeping the wheels on the machine of my life over the past month, and that is unacceptable. It is the first week of the month and I have, on multiple occasions, not texted friends back. I have seen that my mother is calling and I' did not pick up the phone. I have made a to-do list that has not been executed. I have stood in front of the mirror and noted the change in the softness of my hips and thighs because of the holiday indulging I did and have lamented in detail why this is not okay. That I should be back on the wagon. That I should be hitting the ground running. That this is my year and I better not fuck it up. That no one is going to make this (gestures broadly) happen for me except myself so I better get to it. My internal monologue is one of those unbearable Rise And Grind mantras on repeat, dressed as anxiety dressed as motivation.
I am writing a thirty-one day project to help others (you) pause in the morning, start your day with poetry, and opt out of the noise. And I have spent the week telling myself that my “under-functioning” (whatever that is) is the reason I will never find success (whatever that is). For you: all the understanding in the world that this time of year (and always) is a time for self-compassion, going easy on yourself, and saying a big No Thank You to the demands of capitalism and instead being a soft animal in the woods or by the water or on your couch, whatever is your dreamiest proverbial or literal place to be. BUT. For me: no couches. No cozy socks. No breaks. No meandering in the woods, unless it’s in a line of a poem encouraging everyone else to meander.
There is no correlation between these two very separate things ( those things being what is right and acceptable and encouraged for YOU and what is right and acceptable and good for me). I do not need a dose of my own medicine, thank you very much.
Which is all to say, this is a letter to you, about your softness, and not about the internal work that I have to do to be soft and gentle and kind and inviting and understanding to myself. No no no. That’s not what this is about.
(That is, actually, exactly what it’s about. I have the work of softness to do).
(Which is all, actually, for real, to say, if you, like me, think that you are the exception to the permission to just take it easy, to let your body and spirit lead the pace of what you need from the coming hours, weeks, days, then I hope you hear in this email how absurd it is, this rigid way we talk to ourselves, exempt ourselves from grace.. I hope we all work on the internal script. I want soft words. Gentle praise.
Mostly: you’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay).
Lots of gentle ways to connect in January:
The Collective Conversation: What’s New About A New Year
Tuesday, January 17th — 7pm - 8:30(ish) EST on Zoom
Let’s chat about all this new years business - does it feel fresh? Are we doing okay? Are you motivated? Are you hibernating? There’s space for all of it.
Register here (free for Substack Founding Members - link will be sent to you 24 hrs before automatically!)
Poetry Club
Tuesday January 24th — 7pm - 8:30(ish) EST on Zoom
This month’s theme: Fresh starts (needing one, welcoming one, lamenting one)
Bring 2-3 poems (that you’ve written or by others!) on the theme, or join in to listen.
Register here (free for all paid Substack subscribers - link will be sent to you 24 hours before automatically!)
Return To Your Practice: A Four Week Writing Workshop
Sundays at 7pm EST — January 22, 29, February 5, 12 on Zoom
In this four week workshop, we will dive into the vulnerability, curiosity, and play required to create; the narratives and roadblocks that keep us from our work; explore tools, prompts and structures to support a flourishing writing practice, and build community and confidence by sharing our work with each other.
Strengthen your practice. Find community. Experience growth.
This workshop includes:
Four two-hour writing groups over Zoom
A Lesson of the week
Writing prompts
Peer discussion, support and individual feedback
Private Instagram group for participants to share their writing
Weekly journal & writing prompts sent after class
Keeping me company
Siphe November’s choreography. Pure art.
Can’t wait to order this book.
This song has been on repeat this week.
Also, random, if you live in Canada, I’ve put a bunch of my clothes on Poshmark this week as a master procrastination project. Take a peek!
In conclusion
What are we going to do this week? Speak softly to ourselves! Take a nap! Have a bath! Do whatever feels nice and easy! Order a sandwich! Call or not call a friend!
This Substack space as been SUCH a joy to cultivate, thank you for your support and enthusiasm and patience as I learn a new Internet Thing. I love us.
xo jess.