It’s still January, and I feel a heavy gloom like I haven’t felt in a long time. Daily I point to the low fog that presses like a damp cloth on the grey streets that line the grey buildings that line the grey skyline. See? I say to myself, how could you not mirror the weather? I point out that surely it has felt this way before. Surely we are meant to slow down, like all the way down. All I want is to reach for a blanket, a sweater. I think the word burrow and I want to crawl inside it. I am looking for something to hold me.
I don’t mess with resolutions for the new year, but I am clawing for something that will give this orb-like season a bit of shape (maybe that’s what resolutions were meant to be in the beginning, only to be snatched up by diet culture and capitalism and the patriarchy). I’ve learned that, when my existential angst seems to balloon into an all-encompassing abyss, the antidote is to make a bite-sized list of a few things I can do right now to feel a semblance of control. I know when I have writer’s block that giving myself a silly little assignment gets the dust bunnies out of the way. I know that putting a whole book together makes me incapable of stringing a single sentence together, so I task myself with writing one little thing a day and watch it accumulate. I know when I am feeling foggy and groggy and gross and the thought of working out makes me want to cry, I do a ten minute stretch, I leave for a five minute walk.
Structure, when doled out restrictively, militantly, constricts the spirit, smothers the breath, steals the joy.
Structure, when drawing a border around the vastness to make us feel held, creates a safe container in which we can unravel ourselves.
So this is where you find me for the month of January: taking a paintbrush and painting an outline around my morning, around this letter, around the journal I am trying to write in every day, around the movement I offer my body, around the afternoon that feels the most vast and unending of any part of the day, around the feelings I can’t find words for, around the plan for February, March, around all the questions stacking on top of themselves. I paint around it all, saying, here is a shape, here is a shape, this is a shape, and that.
May the borders you need softly take shape around you.
Keeping me company
Meditations with Sarah Blondin are a balm
Olivia Herrick’s prints are so encouraging and the colours are the opposite of gloomy
I’ve listened to this interview with Tracee Ellis Ross on We Can Do Hard Things 3x
Soft Structure: A Soft Resolution
Looking for some soft stucture? I’ve been sending out a daily email for the month of January called A Soft Resolution - this is available to all paid Substack Subscribers, and offers a daily poem, a reflection, and journal & writing prompts.
To opt in, click the Substack menu in the top right corner, click ‘Manage Subscription,’ and select ‘A Soft Resolution’ in notifications.
Events & Workshops
Lots of ways to connect in January! Here’s what’s going on:
The Collective Conversation: What’s New About A New Year
Tuesday, January 17th — 7pm - 8:30(ish) EST on Zoom
Let’s chat about all this new years business - does it feel fresh? Are we doing okay? Are you motivated? Are you hibernating? There’s space for all of it.
Register here (free for Substack Founding Members - link will be sent to you 24 hrs before automatically!)
Poetry Club
Tuesday January 24th — 7pm - 8:30(ish) EST on Zoom
This month’s theme: Fresh starts (needing one, welcoming one, lamenting one)
Bring 2-3 poems (that you’ve written or by others!) on the theme, or join in to listen.
Register here (free for all paid Substack subscribers - link will be sent to you 24 hours before automatically!)
Return To Your Practice: A Four Week Writing Workshop
Sundays at 7pm EST — January 22, 29, February 5, 12 on Zoom
In this four week workshop, we will dive into the vulnerability, curiosity, and play required to create; the narratives and roadblocks that keep us from our work; explore tools, prompts and structures to support a flourishing writing practice, and build community and confidence by sharing our work with each other.
Strengthen your practice. Find community. Experience growth.
This workshop includes:
Four two-hour writing groups over Zoom
A Lesson of the week
Writing prompts
Peer discussion, support and individual feedback
Private Instagram group for participants to share their writing
Weekly journal & writing prompts sent after class
Sending love to wherever you find yourself today.
xo jess.
"Structure, when drawing a border around the vastness to make us feel held, creates a safe container in which we can unravel ourselves." THIS, Jess.
Hi, right there with you (exhibit a: https://pulmonaryfibrosisnews.com/columns/finding-clarity-connection-constellations-dark-times/ ). But a soft resolution is keeping me going. I'm going one day at a time, but like, not one day at a time--i just finished a poem for day three. It has gotten me back in the habit of journaling semi-regularly, which, as someone who kept a journal every single day from 2016 until this past June, when i suddenly got too overwhelmed(?) and stopped.... Is a relief to say the least.
Podcasts, also are a constant companion, so I'll be adding this one to the queue.
Sending you all the hugs (vaguely a circle), and some sun (also a circle) to break up the fog. 💓